The Poop Story

The Poop Story

Don’t judge me, don’t raise those eyebrows, no evil grins please …….. I’m a writer and I only write about what’s on my mind. And past week I’ve had poop and just poop on my head, I mean my thoughts.

I’ve already had a hard time debating on today’s topic with the other 2 nuts in the family. But I’m a big fan of poop talking. Actually always have been. I think good pooping is very important. And I highly recommend working on becoming a good pooper if you aren’t one already. It’s a heathy life practice. And a good poop is a lovely thing to experience. It’s the time to go solo, time going in peace.

My dad has a specified time dedicated to the activity every day…. He would spend half an hour in there with his newspaper. My mom on the other hand is a fast pooper …… in and out of the bathroom in under two minutes. And this record-breaking time includes a thorough hand washing. My sister and myself too very consistent performers. All in all, I belong to a family of good poopers and we would often have Poop centric talks or jokes.

Then I got married and things changed …. one of the flaws of marrying a decent guy. He’s not one to talk poop, that’s more my style! Eventually we had kids and I was crowned the pooper scooper of the kingdom. That opened up the gates …… the gates of discussion about bowel movements in our house. Like if I were to describe my elder one’s pooping style, she’s a fake slow pooper. I have no clue what she does in there in her tiled sanctuary! Though I have given her those questioning eyes many a times, but she keeps the charade and has never come up with a convincing explanation.

But the most astonishing poop story happened to us last week. My Buttercup was awfully constipated. She hadn’t pooped for 3 days and we were on the edge. We had tried all the grandma hacks …… increased her water intake, served hot milk, banana, put hing (asafetida) on her belly button but no desired outcome.

Day 3: We fed her spinach, lentils, massaged her belly with hot oil, made her exercise and put a heat pad on her tummy. Kiddo seemed to be enjoying all the extra attention she’s getting but no BM.

Day 4: We took her to the doctor who acted as if it’s no big deal. She prescribed a stool softener & prune juice and told us to wait another 2 days (more like inhe dawa se zyada dua ki zarurat hai)

Day 5: The 1.5 litres of prune juice bottle is now half and the stool softener is served thrice a day……. Still no signs of poop. We are on the verge of insanity. My every human interaction now includes discussion about the lost poop! Kiddo’s teacher, my friends, my neighbors, my colleagues are all now part of the panic party.

Day 6: Poop in talks, poop in thoughts, poop in dreams but no poop to be seen! Everybody checking in for the poop status every now and then. Finally, we decide to take her to emergency. By God’s grace, just half an hour before the scheduled time to hospital … the most awaited thing happened! She pooped and we all felt that sense of relief. There were 3 back to back instalments and I don’t recollect anything making me as much thrilled. Next thing I remember is calling all the well wishers to share the good news.

Moral of the story: Never ever take the poop lightly and don’t shy away from talking about it. In fact, I think Poop should be the next hot topic after Mental Health.

3 thoughts on “The Poop Story”

  • Such a brave take on a unpoopular topic! But the read was fantastic and relatable. I share the opinion that talking about bowel shouldn’t be a taboo.. and it is very important. I for one always checked the colour, size and type of my kids’ poop when they were younger( they flush it before I can get to them now). Your gut feeling has to be right!

  • Waooh, Thanks. Hahaha I usually joke I can tell the characteristics of my kiddo’s poop by just smelling the diaper Feet’s away.

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